A sweet aroma from the kitchen greets you as you enter the living room. Then the excited chatter from the other rooms dies down as the children file into the living room to greet us.

They have been baking a cake on their own as their parents relax in the living room. It is a Sunday afternoon at the home of Robert and Irene Kinuthia and their eight children.

Irene is breastfeeding their three-month-old daughter, Beata Wairimu, whom she named after her sister who lives in the US. The Kinuthias have named their children after their parents and most of their siblings, “And only two last-born siblings on either side remain to be named,” says Robert laughing.

The children are Mary Leah Wanjiru (17); Joanna Gathoni (15); Mukasa Mariga (13); Celia Njeri (11); Kizito Karori (seven); Lwanga Karomo (five); Leo Maina (three); and Beata Wairimu (three months).

Before baby Wairimu came along, Leo Maina, their three-and-a-half-year-old son, had been the baby of the family, Irene says. From the look of things, Leo is not about to give up that position without a fight as he keeps clambering onto his mum’s or dad’s lap during the interview.

He soon tires of it though, and goes to the other side of the living room to play with his toys. None of his parents raises a finger and the discussion continues as Leo keeps himself busy.

“I have learnt to be patient with children; that is one lesson I have learnt from having a large family, says Robert, 43, in reference to Leo’s behaviour. “I have friends who have two children, one, or even none,” he adds, “and whenever I visit them and see them shouting at a child who is just doing what children do, I get amazed. I have learnt to let children be children, although that does not mean I don’t keep track of what they are doing. I just don’t expect them to do something seriously wrong.”

Contrary to the widely held opinion that a large family is a handful, the Kinuthias have found it fulfilling. “You know, kids are just kids, it’s us, adults, who expect too much from them and in the process lead them into mischief,” he explains.

But of course, there are limits.

“Discipline is important,” Robert says, “and our children understand this only too well.” He says they “do not police them around”, adding that their eldest daughter, Wanjiru, commands more attention from, and exercises greater authority over, her siblings than Mum or Dad.

“And we let her do just that,” he says.

The Kinuthias got married 18 years ago and although they did not sit down and decide to have a large family, it was curiosity on Irene’s part as well as her love for children that saw them end up with eight.

“As a teenager, I loved watching the programme, Eight is Enough on television and it made me just love children. So when I got married, I wanted to have many myself,” says Irene, 40.

Remarkably, both come from relatively small families; Robert has two siblings while Irene has three.

Irene says it has been fun watching her family grow.

“It has been a very fulfilling and exciting experience and I must say that in the process, I have learnt that every child is a distinct individual with a unique personality and that is how I treat each one of my children, even though I give them equal opportunities,” she explains.

Over the years, Irene has had to change jobs and at some point even quit work so that she could concentrate on her family. She got her third child while working for a shipping company whose schedule called for working odd hours, so she took a three-year break.

“It was not easy in the beginning and without a supportive husband, I would have broken down. Eventually, I went into teaching, which was more family-friendly,” she explains.

When the children were very young, Irene needed at least two house-helps, but as they grew older, she learnt to manage with one.

“The children help around a lot, especially on weekends and during the holidays,” she explains.

“And when a house-help wants to take leave during the holidays, we no longer worry since it takes less than an hour for all of us to put the house in order. We share out the work, so that you have different people cleaning the different rooms. The older girls also help in taking care of their younger siblings and this has instilled a sense of unity among us,” Robert chips in.

But while the Kinuthias are happy with their large family, some of their friends and family members have been critical, especially of Irene, Robert discloses.

“Some people close to me thought I was out of my mind for having one child after another. And it has earned me many unflattering names over the years. I remember someone once calling me a ‘baby factory’, if that was all I could do with my university degree. But look, I have been able to build a family and get my master’s degree and my eighth baby by the age of 40, way ahead of some of my peers,” Irene enthuses.

She adds that such critics have been silenced after seeing the organised manner in which she and her husband have managed to raise their children.

“I think they got tired of criticising us after realising that we knew what we wanted,” Robert quips.

With time, the Kinuthias have influenced the thinking of a few friends, who are no longer averse to the idea of having a large family. And with their support and encouragement, the couple has been able to take all the negative criticism in their stride.

For Robert, a large family has meant sacrifice. “A large family is a project like any other and you have to struggle,” he says.

“But you do not look like a struggling father of eight,” I remark.

“Wait a minute. What do you mean?” he replies.

“I can’t remember having Sh10,000 or 20,000 just lying in the bank. With a large family, there’s always something to do with every coin, so we have nothing like savings. But we have never gone hungry or had tea without bread in the morning. We struggle every day like any other Kenyan family. For instance, when the family car broke down a few months ago, it took several days to fix because I had to replace the engine. We had to use public transport like many other Kenyans do.”

All their children attend private schools, except the last two, who haven’t started school. Robert, a Bachelor of Education graduate, is a businessman-cum-farmer and says that he pays for his children’s education by engaging in a variety of businesses.

In the backyard of his compound at his home in Limuru, he keeps exotic dogs and puppies for sale.

“Recently I sold some puppies for Sh30,000 and bought stationery for the children just before they opened school,” he offers. He and Irene also jointly run a consultancy firm, Quantum Conferences, which trains employees and organisations on relations in the workplace.

Robert says handling a large family calls for careful planning and budgeting, but adds that Kenyans, especially young couples, should not readily embrace ideas “like that of the much-touted small, happy family of two parents and two children”.

“Why should anyone be brainwashed by this notion when they can decide for themselves what is best for them? One can choose to have a large family, a small one, or no family at all. But why should there be a chorus from all corners of the country that two children are ideal for every couple? It is pathetic and shows that something is terribly wrong,” he says with passion.

He asserts that children are an investment and should not be looked on as a burden but as a powerful human resource that needs to be educated.

“Look, you do not need acres of land to have many children because you do not need them here. You can equip them with skills and expertise in different fields and send them anywhere in the world or watch as their creative minds take them places,” he explains.

The Kinuthias’ simplicity and ability to make every penny stretch is striking. They have had the family car for 20 years, and Robert says it can go for another 10 or so.

“What people should know is that one does not need a lot of money to be happy. What they should do is find happiness in what is just enough to satisfy their needs,” he explains.

For instance, his children enjoy the holidays just like any other children their age, but in simple ways.

“They believe in Santa Claus and Christmas gifts, but we sit them down and tell them what to expect,” he says.

To which Irene adds, “They know that Santa brings very simple gifts and that is enough for them,” Irene adds.

“And whenever we take them out, Robert continues, “we keep it simple and interactive since they greatly enjoy each other’s company. We sometimes go to the wild or to national parks and this helps foster a sense of togetherness in the family.”

Two years ago, the Kinuthias started an organisation called the Association of Large Families, Africa (ALF, A). Robert, the founder, has registered 25 families with more than five children.

“These are people we know. We met some in church and others in shopping malls and the schools our children attend,” he explains.

New members, whom Robert recruits simply by talking to them, do not have to pay any fees. All they have to do is give him their contact addresses so that he and Irene can coordinate meetings and events, which are held at members’ homes on a rotational basis.

Robert says the current members feel that five is a small number and have suggested that membership should be amended to include only those with seven-plus children in monogamous unions.

He explains that the idea of bringing large families together was born out of the fact that support for large families in modern Kenya is declining.

“That is why I thought of reaching out to couples who support having large families, especially the young and well-educated. This is because society looks up to them as reformers who can influence change of perception. Unfortunately, it has been hard for some to join due to societal stigma attached to large families, but we are heading somewhere as the impact is already being felt around Nairobi,” he says.

The association meets quarterly and he is reaching out to “such couples in the villages of this country who can influence and hold the hands of the many struggling not-so-well-to-do large families”.

“It does not matter where one is,” he explains, “the challenges of raising a large family are the same the world over.”

mmwololo@nation.co.ke

Source: Daily Nation