Many lovers will talk about anything, even sex, before talking about finances. Research shows that money issues are the leading causes of friction in relationships.

Couple’s can take advantage of the cozy Valentine’s mood to talk about money. Andrew Gichure and Esther (pictured above), who have been married for over 20 years, discovered this secret early.

“Our openness with our money started long before marriage. I knew the length of his payslip and he knew mine,” says Esther, 42.

Since then, money has been the centre of their daily talk. “We are both in business and we all go different directions each day to make money, and so we meet in the evening to compare notes.”

Financial experts and marriage counsellors say knowing the net worth of your partner is important for long-term relationships. Also, know your partner’s family because it is possible that your finances will be used to help his or her family.

Joint accounts

Keep your investments simple and agree on how money is saved and invested. While the Gichures run different businesses, they operate a joint account for the family, personal accounts and separate accounts for each of their companies.

“The joint account is very free,” says Mr Gichure.

“Each one of us deposits some amount money into it and that goes into our monthly household budget, school fees for the children and other domestic expenditures.”

Mr Patrick Wameyo, a financial literacy coach at the Financial Academy & Technologies, says the key issue is how to trust each other’s ability to handle money productively.

“Mistrust,” he says, “is normal and is a product of a couple’s different behaviours. The behaviours result from characters which they developed under different family beliefs and attitudes about money and wealth. They now need to create a new family financial behaviour and provide a fresh family environment for it to grow.”

Couples should must therefore change their financial behaviours whether it takes talking about money everyday until they trust each other’s ability to handle money well.

“We sit down and discuss what should be included in our budget and what should not.

Some independence

We adjust according to changing needs, school fees and of course prices of commodities and it keeps our spending in check,” says Mr Gichure, who takes care of school shopping. His wife takes care of groceries and share water and electricity bills.

Riding on a common budget doesn’t mean a spouse cannot enjoy some autonomy on money. They use individual accounts to cater for personal needs like Esther’s salon and Andrew’s occasional beer.

“These accounts were triggered by our need not to interfere with our monthly budget and also to give each other the freedom to look good and feel good,” says Mr Gichure.

Esther, an IT consultant who took early retirement three years ago, used to earn three times more than her husband, but free discussions helped forestall any complexes. And whenever one gets broke, the other comes in to the rescue.

“He is ever willing to rescue me with some cash whenever I hit my pocket seams, and I sometimes do the same. However, I do not go petty and push him to account for every coin that he spends,” she adds.

Their financial freedom is such that whenever Esther travels, she leaves her ATM card with the husband.

“I try to stick to how much she has said I spend and on what. If I cross that line, I surely inform her about it,” says Mr Gichure.

Trust is key

A few years back before Esther quit her job, she took Sh4 million loan and entrusted it with her husband to oversee construction of their home in Nairobi. “She did not strain me to account for every coin spend on the building.

But I surely took it upon myself as a responsibility to see that the quality of the building was worth with what was spent on it. I am still keeping the receipts.”

So when is the right time to start talking money with your honey? “The ideal situation for a couple is to begin discussing money while they are still dating,” says Mr Wameyo, the financial expert.

Plan together

“If this does not happen, it should form part of the premarital counseling discussions, so that they can start their family on a stable financial platform in line with their common aspirations.”

Financial planners advise couples to plan investments together. The Gichures, for instance, jointly own property apart from the car which is in the man’s name the house he acquired before marriage. They also co-own their businesses.

“We plan for holidays together,” Esther says.

Andrew draws a holiday budget and ensures implementation because, he says. Esther has the temptation to spend beyond our budget.

The Gachures say lovers should learn each other’s money character before settling into marriage. Financial experts advise money secrets, as they can ruin a marriage.

“If one party hides some money, mistrust will prevail especially when the other party suspects or finds out,” says Mr Wameyo.

“The ideal situation for a couple is to put all their money plans and peculiar problems on the table and work out a budget for expenses, savings, and investing that reflect their common aspirations and problems.”

money@nation.co.ke