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Archive for February, 2010

A KENYAN-BORN CITIZEN DOES NOT LOSE CITIZENSHIP BY ACQUIRING A FOREIGN

Posted by Administrator on February 24, 2010

By: Miguna Miguna – Published: Saturday February 13th, 2010

[The writer is Prime Minister’s Adviser, Coalition Affairs and Joint Secretary to the Permanent Committee on the Management of Grand Coalition Affairs. The opinions expressed here are his own.]

Justice L. Kimaru of the High Court of Kenya released a landmark decision on the issue of citizenship on 22 January 2010. That decision puts to rest the odious attacks on me by the Party of National Unity (PNU) and other malicious detractors over the unfounded allegation that I lost my citizenship because I allegedly acquired Canadian citizenship and passport. PNU busybodies went berserk and called on the Prime Minister of Kenya (PM) to fire me purportedly for “working illegally.” They went further and demanded that I be prosecuted for “lying” ( I don’t know where, when and how) about my “status.” PNU and other malicious miscreants knew that I have never lost my citizenship. They also knew that I have never lied about my status; nor have I broken any laws. They know that I have never renounced my Kenyan citizenship and remain a proud and patriotic son of the soil. But they didn’t care. Their intention was to besmirch my reputation. They wanted me to wrestle with them in the mud they had created so that they could smear my reputation with cow dung.

Full-page paid advertisements were published by a section of the print media (Daily Nation and The People) too eager to please their puppet masters. Electronic media was used to scandalize me during prime time news for more than one week. A few misguided individuals reeking with green envy and rancid jealousy went to lunch with the false stories. They perpetuated the falsehoods through fake “letters to the editors,” “opinions,” “cartoons”, “news briefs”, and “news analysis” (Standard; The People; Daily Nation; Sunday Express; The Star; and Weekly Citizen)) of the cow dung they had thrown while pretending to respond to articles I had published in the Star newspaper on important national issues affecting Kenyans. Those were issues of corruption, abuse of power, good governance, constitutional change and an end to impunity.

Other idlers on the Internet took off with the libel and have continued to defame me with the hope that they might distract me from persistently pursuing social-justice issues and performing my functions at the PM’s Office. Some confused, inept, malcontent and clearly ignorant MPs from Nyanza Province joined the fray without knowing or understanding what the issues were.
 
Without exception, the idlers never bothered to respond directly to the issues in my articles. None of them challenged the factual accuracy in my articles. Unfortunately for the malicious, the libelous, the envious and the jealous busy-bodies, Miguna has remained a solid rock, cascading on course (with other committed compatriots) towards the total liberation of Kenya. No amount of malicious filth will prevent that eventuality.

Now the High Court has said: ‘Wait a minute; a Kenyan citizen by birth does not and cannot lose his/her citizenship merely by acquiring a foreign one or passport; he can only do that if or when he renounces his citizenship, and the person advancing the allegation of lose of citizenship has the burden of proof!” That was my position all along. I kept telling the Kenyan media that they were wrong to clutch on straws; that the onus was on PNU and the idlers to prove their allegations by adducing credible evidence. It is now time PNU, the gullible and mendacious Kenyan media and all those miscreants to publicly apologize to me.

This is sweet redemption to me and the ODM fraternity, coming on the heels of another major High Court ruling at Mombasa: the one that relegated the former MP for Matuga, the Lingala bellowing Ali Mwakwere, to political oblivion. I relish the adage about the “wheels of justice grinding slowly;” very true indeed.
 
It all started with an election petition by Mahamud Muhumed Sirat against the MP for Wajir South, Abdulrahman Ali Hassan. Mr. Sirat had sought to nullify the election of Mr. Hassan over allegations of electoral malpractices. Rather than deal squarely with the petition on its merits, Mr. Hassan made an application seeking to have the election petition dismissed with costs on the basis that Mr. Sirat was not a Kenyan citizen. He argued that Mr. Sirat had voluntarily acquired the citizenship of Australia and therefore owed allegiance to the government of Australia. Mr. Hassan further argued that the petitioner, being Australian, was not eligible or ought not to have been registered as a voter in Kenya and could not have qualified to be elected an MP in Kenya. Finally, Mr. Hassan argued that Sirat lacked legal and constitutional capacity to institute or to proceed with the petition.

Along the way, Mr. Hassan recruited gullible immigration officials and an ODM minister to boot who managed to howl Sirat from the sanctity of his home into the State dungeons on mere allegations of a political opponent. Forget about the presumption of innocence. Mr. Hassan vigorously argued that Sirat had no locus standi to file and present an election petition; that even the Court had no jurisdiction to hear the petition. Sirat was supposed to be detained and deported without being heard!
 
In response Sirat argued that Hassan’s application was frivolous, vexatious, incompetent and an abuse of the court process. He stated that the application was only meant to frustrate him from prosecuting the petition. Sirat also asserted that he was a citizen by birth, both his parents being Kenyan. Further, he indicated that he had valid Kenyan national identity card and passport, duly issued by the immigration department. Finally, Sirat denied ever having renounced his Kenyan citizenship in preference for an Australian one. He produced copies of his birth certificate, national identity card and Kenyan passport as evidence of citizenship. Sirat also produced copies of his academic certificates to establish the schools he attended in Kenya.

In his judgment, Kimaru J. stated that Sirat, “by virtue of his birth in Kenya, and the fact that both his parents are citizens of Kenya, is entitled [to] citizenship of Kenya.” The judge stated that section 97(1), (3) and (7) of the Constitution of Kenya does not deprive a Kenyan citizen by birth of his citizenship upon acquiring nationality of another country. He opined that sections 88, 90, 92, 93, 94, 95 and 97 of the Constitution only “prohibited persons of a particular category who are citizens of other countries at the time Kenya attained independence”. Those sections do “not apply to citizens of Kenya who acquired citizenship by virtue of their birth from acquiring citizenship of another country after attaining twenty-one years of age.”

And finally, Judge Kimaru stated what amounts to a judicial left hook clincher: “[E]ven assuming that the petitioner had indeed acquired Australian citizenship, there is nothing in the Constitution that specifically prohibits the petitioner from acquiring such citizenship while at the same time retaining his Kenyan citizenship provided that Australian law allows for its citizens to acquire and have dual nationality.” The only exception is when a person specifically renounces his Kenyan citizenship and acquires citizenship of another country that does not allow dual citizenship. Since Mr. Hassan produced no evidence that Sarit renounced his Kenyan citizenship – and that even if he was able to do that, he would still have to prove that Australia did not accept dual citizenship – the Court concluded that Sarit remains a Kenyan citizen. The judge also ruled that copies of a foreign passport are mere pieces of paper that could have been generated or downloaded in any cyber café. The possession of a Kenyan national identity card and passport, the judge ruled, are prima facie evidence of citizenship. The Court refused Hassan’s invitation to look behind or beyond the national identity card that the petitioner possesses as prima facie evidence of his Kenyan citizenship. Kimaru J. stated that the Court “lacks jurisdiction to invalidate or declare invalid a national identity card”, which have been duly issued.

Did I hear everyone say “Amen?”
With this milestone judgment, Kenyans have hope in the reorientation and reform of our judiciary.
By Miguna Miguna

Posted in Analysis and Opinion | Comments Off

Kenyan woman in desperate plea for help in fight to maintain custody of her son

Posted by Administrator on February 24, 2010

Mrs. Mary Kamau-Edgerson and her son JohnLawrence Edgerson at their home in Fortworth, TX. Photo by Antony Karanja

Mrs. Mary Kamau-Edgerson and her son JohnLawrence Edgerson at their home in Fortworth, TX. Photo/Jambonewspot

By Jambonewspot.com Reporter in DALLAS, Texas

A Kenyan woman in Fortworth, TX is launching a desperate plea for financial and any available assistance to enable her mount a strong legal fight for custody of her son.

Mrs Mary Wairimu Kamau-Edgerson is appealing to all Kenyans of goodwill to come to her assistance as she has become financially drained after being in protracted divorce proceedings.

She is currently in dire need of  legal representation which she believes is of neccessity for her to be able to  fight to maintain custodial rights to her son as her soon-to-be ex-husband is seeking sole custodial rights.

Days and weeks have passed but one fear that never goes away is the fear that any mother has- the fear of losing custody of her son.

Downtrodden both emotionally as well as financially, she doesn’t dare imagine how life would be without her son after all she has been brought up in a family of faith.

However, without much needed help, losing custody of her son may no longer be Mary Kamau-Edgerson’s figment of imagination but may very well turn into reality with any wrong move due to poor preparations for her proceedings.

Mrs Kamau-Edgerson arrived in the US in 1998 and  nothing prepared her for these tumultuous turn of events that would engulf her life and lead her to this point.

At this moment, the land of opportunity has given way to fear, pain and sleepless nights as she wonders what the future has for her down the line leaving her at the lowest point of her life and this is not how she envisioned her life after 12 years in the US.

For Mary Wairimu-Kamau Edgerson, a resident of Fortworth, TX and a Certified Nursing Assistant in one of the local hospitals, it was like receiving the wrong script of the American dream rendition.

In her own words, she narrated her hallowing experiences that have led her to this point to Jambonewspot.com.

She walked down the aisle in 2003 with the expectations of growing old with the man she loved. She had hopes of living in one of her childhood “they lived happily ever after” stories and forever being in the arms of her American husband, Calvin Edgerson, a former US Marine.

For the first one year, she lived her dream as Mary Wairimu Kamau-Edgerson but little did she know that in no time, it would be going downhill in blazing speed. 

What was once a happy marriage took a nasty turn. In 2005, the then love of her life turned into heavy drinking which would end up in verbal abuse according to Mrs. Kamau-Edgerson.

The verbal abuses were laced with expletives and constant shouting. They escalated to a point where she developed a low self-esteem.

She was made to feel worthless by the very man she loved. Could this really be happening to her?

As is the case with many women in abusive relationships, she originally never confided in anyone about her situation and kept it to herself fearing the stigma that would result from going out in the open.

Mirroring Mrs. Kamau-Edgerson’s situation, many abused women stay in abusive relationships for a variety of different reasons ranging from fear of being alone to the hope that the abuser will recognize abuse for what it is and change.

She decided to stick to the vows she made on her wedding day and not “out” her husband to the rest of the world and being the prayerful person that she is, she decided to continue seeking higher intervention in prayer in the hope that all will go away.

Unfortunately, this was not to be.

Life got even bumpier for Mrs. Kamau-Edgerson in or around 2005, when according to her, she was not allowed to go to church by Mr. Edgerson. She was a faithful church attendee who even took up ushering duties at the Covenant church in North Dallas. She also frequented Upendo Baptist Church, a Kenyan church currently based in the city of Garland just outside Dallas in the company of her aunt, Mrs. Jane Kamau Kapten.

She revealed that the situation got even rockier when she was pregnant with her son. She says the abuse shifted from verbal to physical.

As if that was not enough, she had been ordered to sever any communication with Mrs. Kapten since Mr. Edgerson “did not want to hear the language she was speaking” leaving her further isolated from people she knew.

“ I had not seen Wairimu (Mrs. Kamau-Edgerson) for four years,” says Mrs. Kapten. “I could not even be there during the birth of her son.”

Mrs. Kapten went ahead to narrate how close they two women were back in Kenya. “Wairimu and I were so close at home and we used to share a bedroom whenever we were together,” she remembered. “I am actually the one who hosted her when she arrived in the US.”

Mrs. Kapten just wants her niece’s ordeal be over so that she can move to Dallas, where she can receive all the support she needs and be closer to the people who love her.

According to Mrs. Kapten, she was finally able to see Mrs. Kamau-Edgerton’s son when he was already 14 months old. He was born in 2007.

Verbal torment

With Mrs. Kamau-Edgerson all alone, she continued bearing the blunt of the man she thought she knew.  Mr. Edgerson started complaining that she was getting fat and that her dressing was not to his liking.

“He started calling me fat and kept telling me that I needed to lose weight as I was an embarrassment to him,” Mrs. Kamau-Edgerson lamented. “He started instructing me on what to wear and suddenly the choice of dressing was not mine.

According to her statements to this reporter, Mrs. Kamau-Edgerson had to endure labels that would make anyone squirm. She said that Mr. Edgerson would call her an “illegal immigrant”, “fat” and “stupid” every time she did something he did not approve of.

She also recounted one instance when she had written a letter that was supposed to be mailed to Kenya. Mrs Edgerson had lost her brother earlier on and was not able to travel to Kenya for his funeral.

She therefore chose to mourn her brother in her own special way by sending letters “written to her brother” every anniversary of his death.

At this particular moment, she placed a letter in the mailbox for collection. It never got to Kenya.

Mrs Edgerson said that Mr Edgerson took the letter out of the mailbox and read the contents. He then taped the letter to the wall and took a photo of the same. Mr. Edgerson later used this as evidence against her that she was “speaking to her dead brother.”

As a result, she was orderd according to court documents  not to display “letters written to her brother” near their son.

When Jambonewspot.com contacted Mr. Edgerson for a comment on his wife’s allegations, he did confirm throwing words at her. “Yes, I did. She is an illegal immigrant,” he defiantly maintained. When this reporter reminded him that his wife had a green card, Mr. Edgerson responded, “Have you seen her green card?” before bursting out laughing.

Mrs. Kamau-Edgerson holds a ten year green card which she showed to this reporter.

“These words hurt so much,” said Mrs. Kamau-Edgerson. “He repeated them over and over again and they were obviously meant to intimidate me.”

This reporter was able to read some of the text messages sent to her phone that contained the offensive tirades which she has saved. A number of those text messages contained the said words with one of them reading “You thief and illegal immigrant” as a result of Mrs. Kamau-Edgerson taking one of the two family TVs to her new apartment when she moved from the family home.

Mrs. Kamau-Edgerson also alleged that Mr. Edgerson forced her to change her original signature. “I would sit down with him to practice on my new signature which he wanted,” she said.

She also said that Mr. Edgerson did not want her to socialize with his friends because he feared that she would say something that would “embarrass” him.

Mrs. Kamau-Edgerson’s real legal battle that involved her son started in 2008. According to court documents,  a court order was issued by a Tarrant County District Associate Judge Terri White, awarding temporary custody of the couple’s son to Mr. Edgerson.

Mr. Edgerson had alleged that his wife had threatened to kill their son, JohnLawrence and that she was “crazy”.

Mrs. Kamau-Edgerson was ordered to go for a psychological evaluation which according to records, she attended and the evaluation officer, Parnel Ryan, testified in court and returned a clean bill of health certifying that she was psychologically sound.

She was also receiving counselling at the SafeHaven counselling center in Fortworth, an organization that helps women and children who have ben victims of domestic violence.

In March 2009, after an appeal against the Associate Judge’s ruling which did not order Mrs. Kamau-Edgerson to pay child support to Mr. Edgerson since he had been awarded temporary custody, District Judge Judith G. Wells awarded custody of the couple’s son back to Mrs. Kamau-Edgerson. According to court documents, Mr. Edgerson was instead ordered to make bi-weekly child support payments effective March 13, 2009 and was also ordered to meet mechanical costs for Mrs. Kamau Edgerson’s 1996 Mitsubishi Gallant car for amounts not exceeding $1,000.

According to Mrs. Kamau-Edgerson, her Kenyan passport is still being held by Mr. Edgerson’s attorney and she does not understand the rationale behind it as she thought the court should be the one holding it if she is considered a flight risk. She has also been ordered not to leave Tarrant county with her son.

According to the Child Support Services in the Office of the Attorney General, Mr. Edgerson has not made any payments since August 2009 and he currently owes $6,000. This was in line with handwritten table of payments maintained in a notebook by Mrs. Kamau-Edgerson.

Mrs Kamau-Edgerson insists that the missed child support payments have contributed to her hardships as she has to foot most of the child’s bills herself. She showed this reporter a receipt for $5,100 which she had paid towards her son’s day care expenses. The day care center’s goodwill allowed Mrs. Kamau-Edgerson to pay the March 2009 to December 2009 bill at the end of the year.

In addition, her car is in a really bad condition and after various breakdowns, it may be very well be in its last moments. She has also never received any money for repairing the car and as if she did not have enough problems, she was told by her mechanic that the car needed repairs worth $2,500.

 When this reporter asked Mr. Edgerson to comment on his missed child support payments yet he is all for the welfare of the child, he shot back saying that the custody battle has not been decided yet and that he was confident that he would be awarded sole custody of their son.

“This case has not been decided yet,” he said. “She will get the payments if the court awards her custody (of their son) which ain’t gonna happen.” When asked to confirm he was seeking sole custody of the couple’s son as he had mentioned earlier, his answer was a firm “Oh, most definitely.”

Mr. Edgerson proceeded to ask this reporter without solicitation whether Mrs Kamau-Edgerson had told him that “she wanted to kill their son”

If the court decides to award full custody of little JohnLawrence to Mr. Edgerson, the tables would turn on Mrs. Kamau-Edgerson who would be under legal obligation to make child support payments to Mr. Edgerson, an obligation that Mr. Edgerson himself has not been able to honor.

When probed further on why he would subject his son to conditions where he has to ride in a car which has no air conditioning while he was aware he suffered from eczema which would make him scratch himself so much especially over summer, he would not comment on that specifically and chose to say that there is so much that has been happening that I do not know about.

The couple owns a 2006 Chevy Malibu which has been taken over by Mr. Edgerson.

Prior to running this story, an attorney with Rubin and Associates who identified herself as Nicole and also acting as Mr. Edgerson’s attorneys contacted this reporter and threatened him with a subpoena. In the attorney’s words, Mrs. Kamau-Edgerson was “not supposed to discuss anything regarding this case” and by discussing it with the reporter, the reporter would be subpoenaed to testify in court during the proceedings as he is “now part of the proceedings.”

As far as we can tell there was no gag order issued against Mrs. Kamau-Edgerson and the reason for contacting Mr. Edgerson was to give him an opportunity to respond to the allegations leveled against him by his wife as any objective reporter is required to do to be fair and balanced.

Mr. Edgerson was under no obligation to answer our questions and he did so on his own accord even after I identified myself and the reason for calling him. He had an option to refer me to his lawyer for comments but he did not exercise this option until well into our conversation. Any questioning was done in the course of my reporting.

Legal representation

These challenges notwithstanding, Mrs. Kamau-Edgerson has been plunged into further dilemma. Due to lack of finances, her immediate former lawyer filed a motion with the Tarrant Country District Court seeking to withdraw counsel.

“I owe her and I do not have any money to pay her and she could not represent me for free,” a downcast Mrs. Kamau-Edgerson said. “I would really like to retain her as she has done so for me and was passionate about my case,” she added saying she understood her lawyer’s decision.

This has thrown Mrs. Kamau-Edgerson into a state of panic as she is fully aware of the tricky nature of divorce proceedings that await her in about three months time.

The proceedings will go before a jury panel as these were Mr. Edgerson’s wishes. Texas is one of two states in the United States that permit jury trials for divorce cases upon request.

When one party in the proceeding picks to have the proceedings brought before a jury as opposed to appearing before a judge, the jury trial prevails.

Mrs. Kamau-Edgerson who now remains with no legal representation is faced with a divorce mediation date in two weeks. The divorce mediation session precedes the actual divorce case and is a part of the divorce proceedings.

She laments that she does not understand the documents that are being sent to her and she does not even know what some terminology contained therein mean as she pensively glanced at a list of items on a document referring to the mediation session.

“Look at this,” she said handing the document to this reporter. “What am I supposed to do with this?” she asked pointing at the check mark boxes besides the items listed thereon.

When we contacted Lisa Hobbler who was Mrs. Kamau-Edgerson’s immediate former lawyer, she said that she was willing to resume working with her as she is in a “really bad situation” and she definitely needs legal counsel.

The legal bill had ballooned to $4,500 (Sh351,000) and this was too big a bill for the attorney to continue extending her goodwill to Mrs. Kamau Edgerson. The attorney however insisted that she was very willing to work with Mary but her bill level was at a level she could not handle saying that she does not operate a large firm capable of absorbing client’s debts even when she would really want to help each one of them.

“I like Mary (Mrs.Kamau-Edgerson) and I feel sorry for her,” Lisa said. “ She is in a very bad situation at the moment and she needs all the help she can get.”

She added that while she does not know our (Kenyan) community, she knows that any help coming from them for Mrs. Kamau-Edgerson will be of great benefit to her.

Lisa could not give us a figure that would be needed to go through the entire divorce process but she estimates that Mrs. Kamau-Edgersonwould require almost $10,000 (Sh780,000) to get through.

“I do not know about her welfare right now but the last time I was with her, she had a car that did not have air conditioning,” the attorney said. “She will definitely need much more than legal fees.”

Faced with this predicament and dwindling choices, Mrs. Kamau-Edgerson tried approaching the Legal Aid of Northwest Texas, an organization of legal representatives who provide free civil legal services to eligible low income residents to a number of counties in Texas. She was declined as they had too many cases to process.

Mrs. Kamau-Edgerson visited various online resources including mamasource.com which is an online resource for mothers where they post questions and seek advice from other mothers in situations similar to theirs. She sought to enquire if she needed counsel for case and the response was overwhelmingly in the affirmative.

Armed with this information, she decided to seek help from Kenyans who live around the Dallas area. This took her to jambonewspot.com, a Kenyan community website based in Dallas, where she posted a message on the site’s discussion board seeking Kenyans near or around her city.

Mrs. Kamau-Edgerson’s mother speaking to Jambonewspot.com from Kasarani near Nairobi, expressed her wishes in this saga.

“I just want this situation between my daughter and her soon to be ex-husband to be resolved amicably for the benefit of the child,” Mrs. Margaret Kamau said. “If they are going to leave each other, I pray they do so in peace,” she added.

Mrs. Kamau seemed puzzled by the nasty tone of the divorce proceedings noting that these proceedings are worked out in a relatively peaceful manner in Kenya.

She was adamant in her wish for a peaceful resolution to this tussle and she insisted that she would be at peace thousands of miles from her daughter if the process moved on seamlessly.

“I would like to see Mrs. Kamau-Edgerson retain custody of my grandson but I would also like the father to have access to him as it is the right thing to do,” Mrs. Kamau concluded.

One of Mrs. Kamau-Edgerson’s best friends who has been steadfast in her turbulent journey is Mrs. Kathy Collard who is a nurse and a colleague at Mrs. Kamau-Edgerson’s place of work. According to Mrs. Kamau-Edgerson, Mrs. Collard has been with her every step of the way and is so grateful for her assistance.

Mrs. Collard frequently pops by Mrs. Kamau-Edgerson’s apartment loaded with goodies for her son as well as meals when times are tough for mother and son. She has provided Mrs. Kamau-Edgerson with moral and financial support when she needed it most.

“I just want what is best for her,” says Mrs. Collard. “I just want this to be all over as she has gone through so much and she doesn’t deserve it as I know she is good mother,” she added. “I hope that she retains custody of her son and that she can be a happy mom.”

The bond between the two women was unmistakably strong as both spoke fondly of each other. It was easy to see why as little JohnLawrence responding to his mother’s “enquiry” as to who brought him the goody he was holding gleefully shouted “Aunt Kathy!”

“I have been amazed by Mary’s strength in all this,” said Mrs. Collard. “I do not think I could have handled what she has had to go through.”

Precarious situation

Mrs. Kamau-Edgerson is in a precarious situation. The American justice system may not be very kind to slip ups of any kind and Wanjiru cannot afford any along the way. A simple mistake may mean losing custody of her son for good.

Stepping into the courtroom without legal counsel, she will definitely be walking into a “minefield” ready to blow up. Without any understanding of the intricacies of the legal system, she is in a bind and that is very well known to her.

She is not ready to resign to fate as it is right now and that is why she has launched an appeal seeking financial as well as any other support from the Kenyan community and all well as all those others willing to help. She hopes that the community will respond and rally around her.

“I simply cannot lose my son,” a teary eyed Mrs. Kamau-Edgerson said. “I am his mother and I am a good mother and I only seek to continue being the mother my son needs.”

“It was hard coming out with my private details like this but I need help badly and I am appealing to the community to help me for the sake of my son.” she concluded.

The journey is far from over for Mrs. Kamau-Edgerson  and she still has a treacherous ride ahead of her.

But while she may not at the moment be singing “there’s a party in the USA”, she ultimately hopes to sing “my redeemer lives.”

If you would like to donate to help Mrs Kamau-Edgerson, you can make a deposit to:

Bank Name: Bank of America

Account name: Mary Edgerson

Routing number: 111000025

Account no. 488027848537

You can also contact the following:

Mrs. Mary Kamau-Edgerson- preciousfaith59@yahoo.com   Tel: 817-891-1833

Mrs Jane Kamau Kapten- janekapten2000@yahoo.com  Tel: 972-513-5611

Other contacts will be added when received.

This post is now closed for comments-Moderator.

Posted in Diaspora News | Tagged: , , | 46 Comments »

African Churches Use Mobile Phone to Ring Up Growth in Members

Posted by Administrator on February 24, 2010

Nairobi, Feb 24, 2010 (Ecumenical News International/All Africa Global Media via COMTEX) — A mobile phone suspended on a belt round the waist, or from the neck, is a common sight among members of church congregations in Africa. Now, church leaders are heaping praise on mobile phones, sometimes called cell phones, because they say the instruments help congregations grow.

Mobile phone use increased rapidly in Africa about 10 years ago. At that time, however, some Christians on the continent criticised the phones for being “marks of materialism”. Now, that has changed.

“It is as if cell phones have come to revolutionise everything, even Christianity,” says Anglican Bishop Charles Gaita of Nyahururu in central Kenya. “They are making things happen quickly.” Gaita says mobile phones make it easier and cheaper for the church to spread word about its activities, such as Bible studies and meetings. The phones also make it quicker to get information, and help improve lives.

The bishop says Kenya’s mobile phone boom is inspiring creativity among Christians. They are sharing Bible verses through text messaging services (SMS). Young people are using the phones to discuss religious matters on social networks, such as Facebook and Twitter, and downloading Gospel tunes to use as ring tones.

Connecting the phones to microphones to record sermons that can then be sent to congregations in remote areas may sound strange but the churches are doing it, according to Archbishop Mweresa Kivuli, chairperson of the Kenyan Chapter of the Organization of African Instituted Churches.

“If there is a preacher the congregations consider important elsewhere, we connect them to the pastor through this means,” Kivuli told Ecumenical News International. “We have at times linked our churches to overseas preachers.” Africa’s mobile phone subscribers total nearly 300 million, according to latest International Telecommunication Union statistics. The figure is projected to double by 2020.

South Africa, where about 80 percent of the estimated nation’s 50 million population are Christians, leads the continent’s mobile phone subscription level. Nigeria is second, with Kenya third.

“The Church sees the mobile phone as a blessing and a gift from God,” says the Rev. Martin Wanyoike, national secretary of the Social Communications Commission of the Roman Catholic Church’s Kenya Episcopal Conference. “We must use it for the service of the world.” Recently, mobile phone companies introduced money transfer services, which some Christians now use to tithe or give offerings. The churches only need to inform the congregation of the required cell-phone number for this service.

“We get money through the mobile phones once we give out the account details. We have realised there are many Kenyans who do not earn a monthly salary. So, to facilitate their offering, we use the money transfer service,” says the Rev. Wellington Mutiso, an evangelical church pastor and general secretary of the Evangelical Alliance of Kenya.

Mutiso says the phones have proved useful as a follow-up tool for converts to Christianity.

“If we do not see them in church [after their conversion], we call them or send an SMS. The response is immediate,” he says. “I can assure you they [the phones] are helping the Church to grow.” At the same time, money transfer services are providing an extra way for churches to raise relief funds. In January, for example, following the earthquake in Haiti, the Catholic Church in Kenya appealed for donations for Haiti to be sent through one of the phone money transfer services.

“The response has been good. We managed to collect 500 000 [Kenya] shillings (US$6500) in a short time. The money was sent to us through the mobile phones. This is a beautiful service,” says Wanyoike.

Posted in Kenya_Technology | Comments Off

LIVE AND WORK IN CANADA

Posted by Administrator on February 24, 2010

C Muchene signing the contarct in Canada

C Muchene signing the contract in Canada

On February 16th 2010, Shiloh Afrique Foundation signed a contract with a Canadian firm providing Immigration and Settlement services.  Shiloh Afrique Foundation referred to as “International Agency” in their agreement shall train caregivers for the Canadian Health Care Market. 

According to the agreement, Shiloh Afrique Foundation has been authorized to train & recruit from U.S, Europe and Continental Africa. 

Shiloh Afrique Foundation shall also participate in the recruitment for federal skilled workers who wish to live and work in Canada. 

Here is a list of professionals they require desperately :

 Financial managers, computer and Information Systems, Managers in Health Care, Restaurant, construction, auditors and accountants, Geologists, physicians, occupational Therapists, Physiotherapists, Nurses, Radiation Techs, Chefs, carpentry trades, electricians, plumbers, steamfitters, welders, heavy-duty equipment mechanics, crane operators, mining and quarrying petroleum and gas chemical processing & doctors.

Shiloh Afrique has engaged a renowned immigration attorney in Canada to handle all the applications to facilitate quick processing.

For more information, please send an email to shilohafrique@gmail.com

There are many Kenyans out there that can benefit from this opportunity, Shiloh Afrique request that those who read this message, to let others know.

Source-Diaspora Messenger

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Man charged with helping Somalis enter U.S. illegally

Posted by Administrator on February 23, 2010

WASHINGTON (Reuters) – Authorities have arrested and charged a Virginia man with trying to help nearly 300 people illegally enter the United States from the war-torn country of Somalia where al Qaeda militants have been active.

The man, Anthony Joseph Tracy, admitted to law enforcement officials he helped some 272 Somalis obtain fraudulent visas in Kenya with the goal of landing in the United States, according to an affidavit filed in a federal court in Virginia earlier this month.

In addition, Tracy, 35, said during a lie-detector test that he had been approached by the militant group al-Shabaab in Kenya, “but he claimed that he refused to assist them,” said Thomas Eyre, special agent in the U.S. Homeland Security’s Immigration and Customs Enforcement Office of Investigations.

The United States has accused al-Shabaab, an Islamist militant group, as being a proxy for al Qaeda in the Horn of Africa nation. It has been designated a “Foreign Terrorist Organization” by the U.S. State Department.

Tracy, who was arrested on February 5, told authorities in interviews he spent months in Kenya where he helped the Somalis obtain visas from the Cuban embassy as well an unnamed South American country, according to the affidavit.

“Tracy stated that he knew that the final destination for the Somalis for whom he obtained visas was the United States, with the visas fraudulently obtained in Kenya being the first step in the process,” Eyre said in the affidavit.

Authorities did not state in the court documents how many Somalis may have entered the United States with Tracy’s help.

While prosecutors portrayed Tracy as a young man who converted to Islam while in a U.S. prison in the 1990s, his lawyer said in a court document that he simply was a 35-year-old American citizen with a wife and five children, and that he “has every intention to remain here and contest these charges.”

In Minnesota, U.S. authorities have charged 14 people with recruiting, training or financing travel for young Somali immigrants to travel to Africa to fight for al-Shabaab.

About 20 young men, all but one of Somali descent, have left the Minneapolis area since September 2007 to train with and fight for al-Shabaab, authorities have said.

(Reporting by Jeremy Pelofsky, editing by Philip Barbara)

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Revealed: Thug who killed Matalan manager was on bail for previous knife murder

Posted by Administrator on February 23, 2010

By Daily Mail Reporter
Anthony Maina, 19, played a 'critical role' in a plan to steal £30,000 in takings from the store, just five months after he stabbed an A-level student to death for a mobile phone

Anthony Maina, 19, played a 'critical role' in a plan to steal £30,000 in takings from the store, just five months after he stabbed an A-level student to death for a mobile phone

A teenager who took part in a robbery which left a shop manager dead was on bail for murder at the time of the killing, it has been revealed today.

Anthony Maina, 19, played a ‘critical role’ in a plan to steal £30,000 in takings from the store, just five months after he stabbed an A-level student to death for a mobile phone.

He had been arrested in connection with the killing of 17-year-old Rizwan Darbar in October 2007, but police had to bail him because there was not enough evidence to press charges.

By March of the following year he had been recruited as a look-out for the Matalan robbery in Hackney, east London, during which popular manager Jamie Simpson, 33, was stabbed to death.

Maina was finally charged with Rizwan’s murder in January last year and was convicted after a trial. He was jailed for life and ordered to serve a minimum 14-year sentence in July.

The teenager was also charged with Mr Simpson’s murder in March last year.

Mr Simpson was knifed in the back and neck after bravely ‘refusing to yield’ when he was confronted on the shop floor by 17-year-old Kobina Essel.

He had only been working late that night after swapping shifts with a colleague.

The gang also included inside man Roy Williams, 31, a Matalan security guard and friend of Mr Simpson.

He allowed the three robbers in to the shop just before closing on March 22, 2008, to hide in a staff staircase at the shop in the Kingsland shopping centre, Hackney, before ending his shift.

Essel, now 19, has been convicted of murder.

Ringleader Simeon Jumah, 25, Maina, now 20, and Randy Osei-Owusu, 17, were convicted of manslaughter after the jury failed to agree on the murder charge.

Williams, recruiter Jamal Chambers, 18, and getaway driver Duane Owusu, 20, were cleared of both murder and manslaughter but convicted of conspiracy to rob.

Prosecutors today decided not to press for a retrial for Jumah, Maina and Osei-Owusu and asked for the murder charge to be left on file.

Judge Martin Stephens QC then lifted the court orders banning reporting of Maina’s background and the name of Osei-Owusu.

All seven men will be sentenced on March 22 this year.

During the trial, jurors heard Williams planned the robbery with his friend Jumah, a father-of-one and former school caretaker and Argos delivery driver.

With the help of Chambers, his girlfriend’s cousin, they recruited three young robbers and in a series of meetings at Jumah’s house Williams gave detailed plans of the shop floor, CCTV coverage and staff movements.

The gang picked the Easter weekend, hoping there would be bumper takings in the store’s cash office by closing time on Saturday.

The day before the robbery several of the gang members went on a recce of the shop before finalising the plans.

On Saturday evening, shortly before the store shut, CCTV cameras captured the three robbers slipping in to the shop, hooded and wearing dark clothing.

Williams who was patrolling the first floor allowed the robbers to get to the stairwell before telling colleagues the shop was clear of customers.

He left with a second guard as Mr Simpson cashed up.

The robbers hid in the staircase for almost an hour, their shadowy movements caught on camera, while Mr Simpson emptied all the tills on both floors.

Devastated: Jamie Simpson's mother Lorna and his sisters (left to right) Helen, Vanessa and Claire-Marie

Devastated: Jamie Simpson's mother Lorna and his sisters (left to right) Helen, Vanessa and Claire-Marie

As he exited the cash office shortly before 8pm, carrying only a set of keys, Essel left his hiding place and approached him on the shop floor.

The store’s cameras captured the six-second confrontation during which 19-stone Mr Simpson was stabbed three times in the back and neck and left for dead as the robbers fled empty handed through a fire escape.

Essel said Jumah had told him to bring his ‘ting’ for the robbery, so he armed himself with a 10in kitchen knife, which he later discarded and has never been found.

Mr Simpson, clutching his neck, tried to raise the alarm with shop assistants who were working nearby.

Staff desperately grabbed clothes and towels from shop rails and attempted to staunch the bleeding.

Police and ambulances arrived just after 8pm, shortly before a doctor in an air ambulance helicopter, but Mr Simpson’s life could not be saved.

This image shows three of the gang during the raid which killed Mr Simpson. As the robbers wore hooded tops they could not be identified by witnesses or CCTV

This image shows three of the gang during the raid which killed Mr Simpson. As the robbers wore hooded tops they could not be identified by witnesses or CCTV

The wound to his neck had cut through the jugular and the carotid artery.

Mr Simpson, originally from Derby, was only on duty having swapped his shift with colleague Rachel Ryan the day before.

Maina was arrested almost a year later after his prints were found in a vehicle used to car-jack the Ford Fiesta used for the gang’s getaway.

After extensive investigations in to mobile phone records and movements, CCTV and the use of cars, police were able to round up to Matalan gang members.

Hidden in a shed in Essel’s garden officers found his white hooded top and a JD sports bag that was spattered with Mr Simpson’s blood.

Following their arrests several of the gang claimed they were not aware that a knife was being carried or would be used.

Jumah, of East London; Williams, of North London; Owusu, of East London; Maina, of East London; Chambers, of East London; and Essel and Randy Osei-Owusu, from East London; all denied murder.

Williams, Chambers and Owusu also denied conspiracy to rob between December 1 2007 and March 23 2008, but were convicted.

Jumah, Essel, Maina and the teenager admitted the charge.

Jamie Simpsons parents, Lorna, 54, and Lambert, 57, wept as footage of what the prosecution called a ‘tragically one-sided encounter’ was shown in court.

Mrs Simpson later described the experience as ‘tremendously difficult’ – and said those responsible for her son’s death were ‘scum’.

Mrs Simpson described the killing of her son as a ‘sickening betrayal’.

Recalling the moment she was given the news, said: ‘It was like my world came to an end.’

She added: ‘He was my friend as well as my son. I couldn’t have asked for a better son. From when he was little he’s been my little buddy.’

The victim’s parents spoke of their belief that many young people had become desensitised to violence and saw life as like a ‘video game’.

Mr Simpson said: ‘Teenagers today play that much games, they look upon life as a joke. They expect when they kill someone they are going to get back up again.’

Claire Simpson, the victim’s 22-year-old sister, said in a statement that his death was like losing a ‘vital organ’.

She added: ‘What’s the point in living when there are people like this in this world that just don’t care what consequences their actions have, and behave in such a way that makes you question what kind of society is this?

‘Is there even a thread of common decency any more?’

‘Entirely needless’ killing of gang member’s first victim

Double killer Anthony Maina’s first victim was a popular and kind-hearted teenager whose death tore his family apart.

Maina stabbed 17-year-old Rizwan Darbar in the stomach during a mobile phone robbery in October 2007 in West Ham Park, east London.

The A-level student had been sitting in the flower garden of the park listening to music on the phone with two friends when he was attacked.

Maina was jailed for life with a minimum term of 14 years at the Old Bailey for the murder which Judge Timothy Pontius described as ‘an entirely needless and wholly unjustifiable tragedy’.

Aftermath: Police forensic experts arrive at West Ham Park to gather evidence following the murder of Rizwan Darbar in October 2007

Aftermath: Police forensic experts arrive at West Ham Park to gather evidence following the murder of Rizwan Darbar in October 2007

Rizwan’s brother Tausif Darbar said in a statement read in court: ‘My family’s world was turned upside down.’

Detective Inspector Simon Pickford said: ‘Rizwan was a young man with everything to live for.’

The court heard that Maina’s friend Kirkland Gayle had snatched a phone from a friend of the victim, then urged the knifeman to ‘poke’ Rizwan so he would not have to give it back.

Alan Kent QC, prosecuting, said he did so, ‘jabbing the knife at fast speed into the stomach area of Rizwan Darbar’.

Rizwan told his friends ‘I have just been duked’ as the attackers ran off.

Gayle was jailed for eight years after he was cleared of murder but convicted of manslaughter and robbery.

Rizwan was preparing for A-levels when he was killed. He wanted to study accountancy and get a job in the City, and was a volunteer for events held in his area to promote the 2012 Olympics.

His brother said: ‘Rizwan was your average teenager – he loved his friends, football and music. He was extremely popular among both family and friends due to his great humorous personality.

‘He was kind-hearted, generous and gave everybody the time of day. He was very obedient and respected and loved his family and friends tremendously.

‘His death came as an immense shock as only a few hours earlier he was sitting at home with his family.

‘The news of his death brought pain which no one should never have to suffer. The screams and my parents’ faces that night still haunt me today.

‘The loss of Rizwan was more painful with the knowledge that someone had taken his precious, promising young life due to their selfish actions.

‘By their violent actions, they have torn our family apart.’

-The Daily Mail

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Kibaki’s Full Speech at the Reopening of Kenya’s Parliament

Posted by Administrator on February 23, 2010

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Egg On the Face Or the Scent of Roses?

Posted by Administrator on February 23, 2010

L. Muthoni Wanyeki

22 February 2010


opinion

Nairobi — Prime Minister Raila Odinga asked some officers in his office to step down over corruption, orders the suspension of two ministers having, at the very least, political responsibility for graft in their dockets.

A few hours later, President Kibaki overrules him, citing lack of consultation.

The ministers report to work defiantly the next day, arguing that the president is their appointing authority.

The PM asks mediator Kofi Annan to intervene.

The ministers on the PM’s side of the grand coalition government declare their intention to henceforth boycott Cabinet meetings.

Then MPs on the president’s side work furiously on plans to declare the vice-president leader of government business in Parliament.

Debate rages as to the coalition’s future.

Meanwhile, the shilling immediately loses value – a fact implying that the longer this saga goes on, the more the wishful thinking around economic growth projections will be proved to be just that – wishful thinking.

But, as the violence that followed the 2007 elections showed, who gives a damn about ordinary citizens or even the economy – unless and until politicians’ individual economic interests are at stake.

But all this is beside the point; the point really is whether the coalition is in a crisis.

Let us recall, first of all, that the political settlement resulting in the formation of the coalition was merely a ceasefire, a truce, an elite consensus.

Elites come to consensus positions essentially because of self-interest – usually short-term – but sometimes enlightened or more long-term.

Let us also recall then that the context and situation have already, as predicted at the time, changed.

The Orange Democratic Movement and the Party of National Unity are still the coalition’s formal parties.

But their internal dynamics changed almost as soon as it was clear that the more substantive content inserted in the mediation agreement would, in fact, have to at least appear to be addressed.

Finally, let us consider what possibilities there are as an end-game or logical outcome of the coalition’s collapse. Another round of elections.

Rationally, the Interim Electoral Commission of Kenya is still in no position to hold elections – it still needs to reconstruct the voters’ register, for God’s sake!

In addition, we are not clear whether or not the Committee of Experts and the Parliamentary Select Committee will affirm the Independent Review Commission’s recommendation that we move towards an electoral system based on mixed-member proportional representation.

And, if they do not, the Independent Boundaries Review Commission has just started redelineating constituencies.

More cynically, it is clear from the sputtering out of the proposed Kalenjin, Kamba and Kikuyu alliance that an ethnically based, numerical and supposedly winning formula for those with the shared accountability interests referred to above has yet to be agreed upon.

There is, no doubt, another, equally cynical formula in the works, but it has yet to be revealed to us.

Across the divide is an increasingly slim constituency around the PM; if he loses Coast and Rift Valley provinces, it is not clear what else he has up his sleeve.

The moral of the story is that nobody is ready for elections.

The rational position then, re-confirmed by this latest coalition spat, is that it will continue to hold, although alliances within it will shift, and continue to shift, as old school “political strategising” continues.

The coalition will continue to hold – if only because there is as yet no possible alternative.

Our task is therefore not to concern ourselves too much with the so-called crisis.

L. Muthoni Wanyeki is the Kenya Human Rights executive director.

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Kibaki finally meets Raila

Posted by Administrator on February 23, 2010

 

President Kibaki (right) and PM Raila Odinga met at Harambee House on Tuesday, their first since PM's controversial suspension of Ministers Ruto and Ongeri. Photo/FILE

President Kibaki (right) and PM Raila Odinga met at Harambee House on Tuesday, their first since PM's controversial suspension of Ministers Ruto and Ongeri. Photo/FILE

By Mutahi Basse

President Kibaki and Prime Minister Raila Odinga met face to face on Tuesday at Harambee House, their first since PM’s controversial suspension of ministers William Ruto (Agriculture) and Prof Sam Ongeri (Education) over graft allegations in their respective ministries

This comes just hours before the official opening of Parliament later in the afternoon, where the President is expected to preside over the State opening of the 10th Parliament. The Prime Minister is expected to attend.

The two coalition parties’ Chief Whips Jakoyo Midiwo (ODM) and George Thuo (PNU), and Speaker Kenneth Marende also met the President on Tuesday.

It is not yet clear what President Kibaki and Prime Minister Odinga discussed in the meeting, but sources said Government’s agenda for this session of Parliament featured prominently.

The two coalition leaders had spoken on phone last week on Wednesday and agreed to meet after the PM returned from an official visit in Japan, but there were disagreements on when the meeting would actually take place.

Mr Odinga had suspended the two Cabinet ministers on Sunday last week, but hours later the President overturned the suspensions, saying the move was unconstitutional. The action by the President sparked a political standoff.

Orange Democratic Movement, a coalition party to which the PM belongs then declared a crisis, and called on the intervention of former UN secretary general Kofi Annan and the AU panel to convene a meeting to resolve the impasse.

The party also resolved to boycott Cabinet meetings until the impasse was resolved.

But Mr Annan did not specifically respond to ODM’s call for a meeting, only decrying the political row. He, however, asked the two principals to meet urgently to agree on how they would work together on issues, including corruption and reforms.

Tuesday’s meeting is a crucial show of unity for the Government, and could help parliamentarians work together in speedily reaching reform deals.

Sources said that during the meeting with the Chief Whips, President Kibaki told them of the need for MPs to be united in passing legislation.

The President left for State House shortly before 12:30 pm and is expected to address Parliament as he opens a new session of the House.

This session of Parliament is expected to have a busy legislative agenda, with the most onerous being the constitutional review.

There are plans to amend laws to allow for the implementation of the Sh22 billion stimulus package proposed in the Finance Act 2009. The Constituency Development Act is also expected to be amended to ensure efficiency in the use of devolved funds, among other legislative tasks.

The meeting of the two leaders on Tuesday could stem the feud that was likely to play out in Parliament as it reconvenes, on the question of who would be the Leader of Government Business, with the PNU party having declared its intention to introduce a motion changing the Standing Orders to give the President powers to make the appointment.

The Government has been without a leader in the House for close to a year now, since the Prime Minister and his party objected to the President’s re-appointment of Vice President Kalonzo Musyoka.

Additional reporting by Lucas Barasa

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12 myths on infidelity

Posted by Administrator on February 22, 2010

By Kamau Mutunga

Modern marriages and relationships are unlike those of years gone by when couples stuck to each other come rain, hell or high water.

Today, they are bedeviled by a myriad of problems among them money or lack of it, alcoholism, drugs, and infidelity — mostly deemed as the height of heart-wrenching betrayal.

In the process, separation and divorce are prevalent when affairs go to the dogs. And while men take the blame in cases of infidelity, women have upped the stakes, with their golden rule in the tit for tat being; “hate the game not the player.”

But just why do couples cheat?

According psychologists, people often have affairs in the hope that they can re-invent themselves, or more accurately, to become the person they think they want to be. They are said to give those involved the chance to start their life all over again.

Those reasons aside, infidelity is said to come in five different forms: opportunistic, obligatory, romantic, conflict romantic and commemorative.

Judy Twala, a counseling psychologist at Oasis Africa, explains that “opportunistic” infidelity occurs when a partner is in love and attached to a spouse, but surrenders their sexual desires with someone else.

“This is driven by opportunity and risk taking behaviour.”

“Romantic” infidelity takes place for example, when a company hosts a training session out of town, and two office love birds (who could be committed elsewhere) take advantage of the situation, to get into some hanky panky which continues even when they get back to their office.

“Obligatory” infidelity is based on fear that refraining from someone’s sexual advances will result in rejection.

And “some end up cheating solely because of the need for approval, even though they may still hold a strong attraction to their spouse,” observes Twala.

While the above forms of cheating happen when the involved spouses are still somewhat, in love, “Romantic” infidelity occurs when they have fallen out of love, and “their commitment to their marriage is what’s most likely keeping them with their spouses,” explains Twala.

“Conflict-romantic” infidelity is when one falls in love, but has a strong sexual desire for other partners. Twala notes that “although true love holds, it’s possible to have strong love attractions to more than one person at the same time.”

“Commemorative” infidelity, on the other hand, happens with those who have completely fallen out love, but are still in a relationship with their spouses.

“Vows of matrimony are not only a promise to new partners, and God,” says Twala, “but many people take them very lightly.”

And while cheats claim have reasons for doing what they do, victims and the society at large have lots of myths about infidelity.

Saturday Magazine engaged counseling psychologists in debunking the top 12 myths of infidelity.”

Myth No.1: Couples cheat because they’re unhappy at home

“Not always” says Susan Gitau, a counselor at IPC-Centre (International Professional Counselors), “but in most cases they are uncomfortable with the relationship at home, especially if it involves emotional and physical abuse, or both. And cheating provides a short-lived feeling of self worth, or as a form of escape from pain.”

Pamela Masakhwi, a counseling psychologist at African Institute of Professional Counseling, observes that “…being happy is a choice one makes despite the circumstances they may find themselves in, but unhappiness can’t be used as a reason for cheating.”

She says people cheat because they have unmet needs, to revenge or just because there is an opportunity. That’s why you will see, “people who are quite happy in their relationship but still enjoy the thrill of cheating.”

Psychologists argue that unfaithful women in long-term marriages, report low satisfaction with their husband’s, while for men, there doesn’t have to be any dissatisfaction with the marriage for them to cheat”.

Myth No.2: Men cheat more than women

Men cheat easily due to the traditional view that they’re polygamous by nature, offers Gitau, adding that psychologically and physiologically, “men are more of risk takers than women, including taking risks involving their sexuality, sexual adventures and flirting leading to possible or actual sexual encounters.”

Masakhwi concurs explaining that men have more opportunities and freedom as they are more out of the home than women.

Again, “society tolerates men who cheat than women who are more secretive in keeping affairs than men. But today the number of women who cheat has increased tremendously.”

Women cheat for the same reason as men, adds Twala, only that when a man sleeps around, he’s labeled a “stud” while a woman doing the same is seen as cheat and promiscuous.

“Women stray when they’re depressed, or lonely because of being emotionally or physically neglected or simply for the thrill of not getting caught.”

Indeed, long gone are the days when women wore new hairdos or stocked their wardrobes for consolation, today, having an affair is a “reward” for being unappreciated by the man in her life.

And while for men, affairs are high opportunity, low involvement indulgences, for women, pushing platonic relationships from friendship, love, fantasy to reality are ways of testing whether their “mpango wa kando” can make better partners and thus potential soulmates.

Myth No.3: Affairs are about sex

“Not always,” counters Gitau, “but this is a very fertile ground for cheating among the married. Most start by sharing work-related jokes, stresses, ideas about life, which extend to personal sharing of marriage and family frustrations.

“By doing this, the two people start developing trust, which in turn creates mutual, psychological and emotional dependence that can lead to sex.”

Masakhwi says for men, affairs are about sex, and feeling powerful in order to boost their egos, “but for women it’s more about being treated differently, loved, appreciated, and a higher sense of self-worth for women with low self-esteem.”

Twala notes that affairs are a way of getting something they’re missing in their relationship. “But cheating partners are not always aware of what’s missing. For some, it’s a search for lost childhood, youth, while others cheat on “perfect partners” because they’re sick and tired of this perfection and always trying to measure up.”

Myth No.4: If he/she cheats on you, he/she doesn’t love you

Susan disagrees: “Most cheating spouses are very loving and responsible at home, and they would never want to be found out. So, for some, cheating is a response to peer pressure or plain adventure.”

Masakhwi digresses: “When you love someone you care about them, sacrifice, are sensitive to their needs, you avoid hurting them, you give more than you receive.

“This is inconsistent with cheating which can be devastating to your spouse. Where there is cheating the levels of emotional involvement, affection, love and commitment are obviously low.”

Men are capable of having “sex-based” affairs without strings attached, while women have “love-based” affairs with emotional attachments, but if someone professes genuine love for their spouse, argues Twala, “they’re unlikely to cheat. Plain and simple.

Myth No.5: Sex with an ex isn’t cheating because you’ve been there, done that

“Cheating on one’s spouse does not exclude having an affair with an ex,” says Gitau, “unless there is a mutual agreement where one has two spouses which should be made known to both parties. Some married people still keep very close ties with their exes that sometimes end up in marriage.”

She adds: “It is important for people to go through a thorough soul-searching or professional pre-marital counseling to establish fertile grounds or pre-disposing factors for possible future marital infidelity.”

“Having sexual involvement with anyone who is not your regular partner is cheating,” notes Masakhwi, “whether they’re your ex or not!”

Actually, you could be having a romp with an ex for “old time’s sake” but for them, it’s all about rekindling old fires. And with dire consequences; as when your now yellowing ex-file starts texting, e-mailing and calling you at devil hours.

And such illegal wire trails have uncanny ways of getting to your very kali partner!

Myth No.6: You can affair-proof your relationship

“Yes and No!” is Gitau’s response: “Yes, by making a daily commitment of loving your spouse unconditionally and seeking new ways of making your marriage interesting and more intimate.

“Those who marry after establishing a strong friendship are more sexually intimate. And friendship keeps the marital candle burning during the ups and downs of marriage.”

Gitau’s “No” is because some relationships develop naturally at the workplace, clubs, where “even the most guarded spouse is rendered vulnerable by certain seductive situations.”

Acknowledging that all sexually normal people are vulnerable to affairs is a big step to identifying ways to protect yourself…self awareness and critical analysis of one’s weaknesses and strengths in relation to marital affairs is a must for the married,” observes Gitau.

It is very difficult to affair-proof a relationship, explains Masakhwi, since you can’t always monitor your partner. But you can put strategies and buffers against “intruders.” She suggests:

Open and honest communication about your needs, expectations, frustrations and desires. Being friends, spending quality time and having a “to-do” list together. Deep involvement, and being a priority in each other’s lives.

Developing and cultivating trust. Gravitating towards each other in the hour of need. Focusing on the positive about your partner, rather than shortcomings.

Indeed, unlike German cars, relationships rarely come with guarantees. Twala advices that it worthwhile “choosing the right partner” which, she says is more important than making them happy, “since traits like morals, value systems and family background are stronger influences on whether someone will cheat or not.”

Myth No.7: If he has a history of cheating, he’ll probably cheat on you too

“In most cases, yes,” is Gitau’s verdict since, a habit once formed and nurtured is unlikely to fade away.

“Just like addiction to alcohol, drugs, and gambling, some people are also addicted to sex, creating a psychological and physical dependency that the body can’t do without. This sometimes calls for, not just strong personal will, but medical and psychological intervention as well.”

Masakhwi concurs adding that “it is easier for someone who has cheated before to cheat again depending on what happened the first time. If he got away easily, the behaviour is reinforced.”

Myth No.8: You should always confess if you’ve had an affair

“Not always,” advises Gitau, as confession varies with different situations and couples involved.

“Some may hit back with adverse effects on both, or third parties such as children, while other confessions may open floodgates for divorce and separation or occasion harm on the victim and perpetrator. And psychological assessment should be made when, and if confessions, must be made,” she elaborates.

Masakhwi notes that one carries out, “a cost-benefit analysis” before confessing to ascertain the consequences.

“In some cases, it works, while in most cases it doesn’t due to the volatile and hostile reaction that often follows. You need to know your partner very well and have good skills to communicate effectively.”

Myth No.9: “Cheating doesn’t count if no one finds out about it

“No one can hide the truth from self while thoughts and feelings of guilt are intruding, affecting the relationship,” says Gitau, “and people who cheat always live in fear of getting caught, or siring or getting a baby out of wedlock. They are perpetually hiding, a very challenging, costly and energy sapping undertaking.”

Masakhwi minces no words: “Cheating is cheating whether one finds out or not!”

Myth No.10: If there is no sex involved, it is not an affair

An affair does not need to be sexual, especially among the married.

“It can be intellectual, emotional, spiritual and slowly get charged and downright sexual in nature,” says Gitau, adding that it’s very difficult to keep relationships of opposite sexes free of affairs especially if the frequency of their meetings are high.

Sex, offers Masakhwi, is a culmination of many other interactions and emotional involvement which connotes divided attention and disloyalty.

“So, even in the absence of sex, there is emotional cheating which can sometimes be even more damaging on the relationship because it is ore insiduous.”

Here, Twala says, you can also slot those who send suggestive texts, calls and e-mails, while pretending to be single.

Myth No.11: Fantasising about someone else means you’re about to be unfaithful

Gitau offers: “Not really, but sometimes, yes” as is common with spouses in relationships physically long on distance, but short on intimacy.

“They thus start fantasizing about other people who may be more available, and it can get worse if they relate to those who resemble their spouses physically or in character. It can be challenging to resist the desire to make the fantasy a reality.”

So, while inevitably one can be unfaithful in the head, just ensure it doesn’t reach the bed, thus transforming yourself from a mind cheater, to sex cheetah!

Myth No.12: An affair can “save” a relationship

“It can’t,” counters Gitau, “and affairs are actually a major wake up call that the marital relationship is in danger of collapse.”

But those who survive extra-marital affairs, she adds, “are those who accept the reality of their causes, and are willing to work it out together through genuine dialogue and forgiveness which can be very painful, but quite fruitful and therapeutic for both parties.

“Those who make their marriage work despite the ups and downs are the true role models of the vow, ‘Till death do us part!

Twala concludes that infidelity bears with it guilt and scars that remain in the victim’s mind as long he or she lives.

“And it can seem like an uncontrollable addiction until all is lost, including marriage, health and many times mental stability.”

kmutunga@nation.co.ke

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